rainbowribbonvisions: Neal & Peter standing in the middle of the office (partners)
2017-03-16 11:22 pm

Random life talk.

So I have been separated for a couple of months. I'm kinda used to my old life now. However I miss people. For now it's just me and my mom. I try not to dwell on what I have lost but still it never stops freaking me out in most inapropriate moments that He may have had seen abother girl by now. He did started seeing me rather soon after his first breakup and now I keep having the same old heart-gripping feeling of dread. Because I still have stuff to get and all. And I heard he was not visiting his mom so he is at his flat. Or not?
Okay I am a paranoid gal but I have always been like that. Because I care for people. And that makes me hard to accept separation. Even loosing most of my friends didn't feel this deeply aching.
It hurts as if I had lost a family member. Just that hard.
And I have lost my fare share of relatives to know the feeling.

And there I am watching those tv shows and get that feeling that one day I'll be all alone and dying in some godforsaken place without anyone missing me...

And only few times in my life I have felt that feeling of belonging. And then I have lost it all again.
Weird how little I mean to those who once claimed me their person, their best frien, love...
Almost like I could be disposable trash.

And I had been hurting basically since I remember myself. I have always been missing someone. And I dunno how to deal such stuff.

Maybe in all those tv shows I finally saw what I had been missing so badly and therefore got so attached and obsessed.
Because somehow there was always someone there in their lives and this someone became special and all the jazz.

I am in a rather sad place. I miss the guy very badly, but at the same time I cannot bring myself to face him.
And day by day, with all kinds of distractions, I feel stronger and more confident. It happens slow but it does. And that way I learn to be all by myself. No one is going to like me, of that I was made sure long ago. If the only person willing to be with me and telling me he loved me lost it all over time then I don't feel guarant there will ever be someone else getting further. I highly doubt I will ever be capable of accepting another human in my life. Not that way, unlikely.

So there are my colleagues. I like them. For most of the time only the trio I share my shifts with. The rest (3) are just insane bunch of bitches who once were friendly but now became irking crazy stuf and I no longer want to see any of them. Although mostly the one is that bad. The other two can be handled.

And this month I dyed my hair blue-ish. Like one of my fav coworkers. She had colors in her hair. And tats and piercings. I think I have a girlcrush on her. And we share opinions and stuff.
And now that I was free I decided to return to what I was before -colorful haired. So I finally, after years of looking and trying, found the right color for me. And if I get accused of copying I will say the truth- back when I first did crazy haircolor there simply wasn't such colors, just now they appeared and just as I saw them and with a nice sale I got them (3 tones). So yeah, no copying, just jumping on a passing train.

Anyway, I am still not over my cousin. Not over much anything else.
And I will scold my oldest friend currently in the city for dating random men and having 2 bf's at the same time. I did it once, I'll do more.

Back to my seldom problem.. that bitch is still in a city. She just met that guy, less than a year and they were already living together. Then she had that minor fallout with her family and she asked me to be signature for getting a loan at bank.
I firstly said I'll think about it and asked my man for advice partially trusting my bestie and her judgement in such serious thing. But my man since first moment didn't like her and he always wanted me to drop my friends and be friends only with people he approves, which meant only few of his only friends and family.
And there I had to listen a lecture about that and a bit of fight. I had my own share of making it an issue but oh well...
And then she kept on insisting on me being part of her plan. I tried to dig in deeper but she is Pisces and some stubbon shit by Chinese horoskope so no shit Sherlock I couldn't squeeze a fuck outta her so I really dunno for what you would be needing a fucking 4000€ loan. You can only gather around 1000-2000€ by separate small loans you did so why the fuck this much!!!!!

Argh!
I knew there has to be something not good going on when she was like tha. Because we used to share lot more personal stuff once. And we swore to be the besties forever. Because in our nearly ten years of being friends we never had a single fight or disagreement.
And today I begun to analyze that. Maybe I was an easy person without my own attitude and agreed to stuff to easily. But she was accepting and all. I have never been having a particularly strong personality nor held an opinion to stand for. So I basically was easily persuable (pardon if I get the wrong term).
And there my most convincing friendship at that point got shattered. By her words through tears she no longer wants any contact with me. And well there was an anger in her voice and pain. She deleted me from her social network friends list and so far we only still follow each other on Instagram. But I can trust not for long.

And there and now I keep reminder of her by seeing her on the streets or internet.
So far she has gotten what she wanted: a man, a dog, maybe car, possibly job and obviously lives in her old apartament with him. I haven't been able to decipher whether her grandparents still live in that flat but she sometimes visits her parents in their rurual place.
Anyway she still has one friend who visits her and occasionally posts a pic of her dog.

I really dunno how but well, obviously if you try hard enough you can get whatever you want.

I just wish I had such luck with my own life. I also wanted my relationship to last forever because the person I was fallen in love was the right for me. I just wanted something seemed so beautiful last. Because in my life beautiful things never last. Lest a lifetime.

So here I am trying to analyze everything but still struggle to get anything clear on anything. I feel as if I had missed my life entirely and completely and all I have left is a time to catch up on it until it ends.
I feel like living a borrowed life everytime something good happens. And obviously I did twice...

And what next?
rainbowribbonvisions: Neal at the knockdown in the 4x09 boxing match (4x09)
2017-01-05 12:53 am

Rant....

So my cousin who is 3 years younger and married 10 years older man is expecting.... Actually she's about to pop in a week or so. And I found out only today..

I am mad because they lied about not planning family yet. And that her hubby is asshole. And I felt strange about meeting them now. That is couple summers ago at my other cousin's wedding. Actually I feel uncomfortable at those events because I havent yet grown up. And my bf made it clear that indeed I am a foolish person who is not thinking about stuff. But now I do feel like it wasn't lies. Because I am not mentally ready for adult life. Although I should be. I am old enough to be smart and ready. But I am not. I am stuck in past. Like I don't plan to grow up...

However I dunno why I got this mad about them planning more family. They already have lots animals. And I know my cousin loves children and gets along with them like a Mary Poppins.
Maybe I am jealous that they can get a life but I am worse than a soap opera.
Yes that is problem with me and I haven't yet found a way to fix it. I simply cannot exist in this life the way I am now but so far I struggle to change. Meanwhile most of people I know has married and with children.
Once again I feel like an outcast of this life.

Not that I would want kids. No, I simply have not that gene in me.
I am unable to bond with a kid nor entertain them or feel comfortable with them.

So I must be jealous that others can successfully craft a lating connection and actually kep a frienship alive. And because they have better connection...

I am too introvert to make it happen so I better not hope for anything good out of this life.
Not that I am enjoying this way...
rainbowribbonvisions: Edit on Z-cam with PIP (Candle)
2017-01-05 12:18 am
Entry tags:

New Year's summary of the past couple years since my last time here

So I haven't been on for almost a solid 2 years...

A lot has happened since I joined RL nation and begun a new life.

I've stopped active fanfiction writing and have left only reading them when I have mood and time.

What once felt like a true friendship and blossoming love has now become a game of patience pulling. Dunno if it ever will recover/reborn the way it was at first. I assume there will only be memories of a time and adventures to behold...

I have changed few coworkers and a bit has changed since I started the job two and half years ago.

I have also lost many RPG places and people to big fat RL that keeps taking away people from creative expression. Meself including.

Mom has quit her job for a glance of new one just to have my boss being a bitch and pulling the thing apart. So she's unemployed for until miracle happens.

My happy phone needs a replacement in some time since it's been used almost pushing its limits of endurance.

And we lost a few phones to common issue- battery getting like puff/fattening up.

I started to have girl crush for my newest colleague because she is so alternative looking and fierce and looks so cute. But I am not good at Russian language so I try to learn from her.

I have found I want white ink tattoo of something small and meaningful to me. I want long hair and gel nails completed with nice clothes... I still daydream of impossible things...

I had an amazing trip to Estonia, Tartu with my bf's fam. I loved the country already. And Kerli comes from Estonia that is much more sophisticated than Latvia.

I went to a wedding of my cousin. It was fun event but I felt outcast in that crowd. I think I am outdated...

I met my long lost bestie from first school. She has gotten herself upated her own style and now belongs to other nation.

Had a fall out with my second bestie. But that was biggest idiotism from her side of things.. Because seriously how can you guarantee you will make the loan possible and nothing unexpected won't happen? Ya know, like, shit happens, right?

I had a trip to Stockholm, Sweden as well. Just via cruise ship. With bf and his buddy and his gf. It was good but with couple fallouts anyway.

I had travelled a bit of my own land thanks to my bf and his fam. Also had a chance to drive a car. My bf is useless teacher but I enjoyed anyway.

I was a witness of how fast a kid grows into a little piece of community.

I won a phone in a lottery which never happens to me. Nevertheless I needed a new phone badly. I guess my bf brought me luck because he was still happy with being in love with me.

I had to get new glasses because my old ones got too used.

I was being made to see my first evey gyno. I expected worse than it was and I was relieved it all went better than I feared.

I lost another relative to old age and illness.

I spent new year's eve not home.

We had to change our gas stove and my bf helped out.

Our house got involved into fire at basement. Mom freaked out but I was not with her. Thankfully it all went well but it still left an uneasy feeling about how unsave is the world we are living in...





So that's about it. Short summary of what this time has been. Something was left out by accident but oh well....

Anyway, a new year has started and I wish everyone to nail it, best it, live it, enjoy it, embrace it!
Happy New 2017 Year!!!
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2013-11-24 12:27 pm

FIC: White Collar: You Can Be Lucky

[B]Title:[/b] You Can Be Lucky
[B]Fandom:[/b] White Collar
[B]Characters:[/b] Neal Caffrey, Peter Burke
[B]Rating:[/b] PG-13
[B]Summary:[/b] He just wanted to follow
suspects. But who knew the world will
collapse...
[B]Author Notes:[/b] In the wake of tragedy
that happened November 21. I woke up
yesterday morning in tears and just had to get
this off my chest.
There may come more from where this came...
because tragedy shook the whole nation...
RIP 54 people, and 13 still missing (current
info on media) may the God be with us all and
those involved the most....
★★★
It was all darkness. And lots of pain and
something he couldn't tell, yet.
All he knew was that something very wrong
happened. But what else he knew was that it
wasn't the shopping center he was in before.
No, this was something else.. Much more
horrid.. Something he never in his con-man's
life ever expected to ever be a part of his life.
Pretty much like jail, this was nowhere near his
desired fate.
But Neal did not have time, nor energy for
starting thinking over his life. Well, it could be
one of many things, but right now be had
something heavy pushing him against a hard,
cooling surface, a weak nagging at his gut told
it might be floor. Whatever it was it wasn't
comfortable. His back was already feeling like
crushed between something but most likely it
was only the heavy something on top of him
causing all this uncomfortablesness.
His head only started to feel what might later
be described as the migraine of the century.
But Neal Caffrey knew he was majorly screwed
and that there definitely was something more
important than his growing headache.
Something like people calling for help and kids
screaming for their parents.
And that was the needed click for Neal to
recall the latest minutes before the world
around collapsed onto everyone inside the
rotten place.
It had been his own idea. Nobody made him
do it. But Neal being Neal felt this as his job to
dig until dug out. That was most likely
ingrained in his brain to do whatever to help
Peter close his cases and not care for whatnot
glitches that might happen on the way.
Well, that or prison, was Neal's mantra half the
time he inwardly fought the voices of reason
trying in vain to get his brain drop the plan
and turn around before too late.
Not in this instance. He'd followed some of the
art thieves into the oversruffed store just to
see what they had in mind, because Peter
would crack the case much faster if Neal found
something to use. So, ignoring his inner Mozz,
telling and kicking and screaming to finally
start thinking with his own brain, Neal walked
inside after the trio disappeared into the
crowd.
He noticed them going through shelves of stuff
Neal didn't even see, so focused on the task at
hand. Would Peter ever believe him if he
claimed to have the skill of being calm and
concentrated on something for more than a
second or two? Oh right, given his alleged
forgeries it might be possible. But definitely
not whenever at office in front of the cold
cases.
What the ex-con never suspected, while
roaming through the store and watching what
the baddies were doing, was that all of a
sudden terrible noise, almost explosion-like,
would be followed by everything being plunged
into darkness as the whatever rubble and other
whatnots rained down onto all the people
inside.
The FBI consultant never ever had imagined
himself being in this kind of situation because
it was such an absurd thought. And come on,
he was a con, he lived the high life, he was
always sleek and elusive. Why and how on
earth someone like him could end up in a
situation like this?
He had probably passed out because suddenly
it was this excrutiating pain stabbing through
his left ankle.... Anklet! Right. His so much
"beloved" anklet that he somehow had fallen to
rely on. The thing he hated but loved at the
same time. His only connection with the
outside world now.
He tried to see if there was any damage but, of
course, it was dark. And he was pinned down
to ground by something or other. Neal grit his
teeth and tried to wiggle. Only resulting in all
kinds of pain spiking throughout his rather
battered body.
But he could feel his arms moving about. Not
like he could really feel his body being touched
by them.
That was downright confusing. And helluva
scary. But for the moment he couldn't feel
fear. It was more the feeling unfair or anger
than actual fear.
Shock obviously, Neal decided finally and
stopped wiggling.
He needed to call Peter. And at that second,
before any other thought appeared, he wished
the store had the end of his radius somewhere
around the spot he was lying about. But he so
doubted his luck today.
Right at that he encountered another issue. His
cell phone. It was somewhere. But for the love
of life Neal could not think where it might be.
He was flailing with his arms, trying to ignore
the other people pleas and endless screams.
But his brain suddenly seemed stuck. No
thought made sense anymore and he felt like
floating.
He'd passed out again. Obviously.
At least the nap had made his brain connect
again. His hand already onto task, as if it had
its own mind, and, yes, the phone was just
right there, in his pants pocket. Not jacket, but
pants pocket. His subconscious obviously
shared Peter's gut feelings.
It took a while of fiddling around with the
thing, fingers clumsy and slipping about the
screen from the blood on them, before Neal
could actually bring it up to his eyes. And
there was another problem finally presenting
itself. He couldn't see... All was blurry and the
small, but bright, light of the phone's screen
sent stabbing pain to his brain, increasing the
building pain in his skull.
Miraculously enough the thing had enough
reception so calling wasn't-shouldn't- be a
problem. Only his own eyes.
He could not tell how much time passed from
the moment he ditched the calling to the
moment his phone vibrated happily. At first he
felt too sluggish to even understand what it
was, but then slowly he connected again.
"Hello?" His voice was barely a weak whisper,
so fragile and creaking.
"Neal?" Came Peter's voice, flooding Neal with
joy and relief.
"Peter, I didn't run, I swear." He said, his
mind suddenly thinking Peter had called
because of his anklet beeping because there
had been the invisible line of his radius.
"Neal? Are you alright? What's going on?" The
agent asked, worry clear in his voice. And Neal
felt his eyebrows scrunching together in
confusion.
"Um... I dunno, Ptr..." his tongue stumbled
over, already loosing stability. It was too dark
to tell whether or not Neal's vision was clear,
or if he was dizzy or not. He just felt like his
brain had been replaced with cotton balls. Or
that sugar puff children loved to eat so much.
"Neal?" Peter's voice called the young man
back to reality. "Are you alright, buddy?" He
was asking again. Neal wanted to throw a
pillow at him, but unfortunately he lacked one
and Peter seemed too far away.
"I'm sorry..." was the universal response of
Neal's. "I-I didn't mean, but then they went
inside and I thought of following them
inside..." the strangely sounding younger man
on the other side of the line suddenly broke
into violent coughing fit. It) instantly made
Peter worried. He launched the anklet's
monitoring program on his computer.
There the older man got confused. It showed
weirdly trembling signal of his CI's anklet, but
it still said he was well within his radius.
Actually.... he was inside some middle class
shopping mall. He'd seen the place himself
when passing by on occasion. Rather simple
building- single floor, one exit, concrete, metal
and glass. Probably cheap building. Absolutely
nothing that would make Neal want to use it.
"Neal? You there?" He spoke into his phone,
upon hearing the end of the coughing.
"P'tr..." was all he could hear, a weak whisper
full of asking for help, before only background
noise came through.
The background noise....
Now he could hear people screaming and
calling for help, some other sounds and
something like creaking and other
nonidentifiable noises.
In one fluid motion the agent grabbed remote
and turned on tv. It was already on a news
channel and in instant he was greeted by
horrible sight. That shopping place was barely
recognizable. All kinds of debris and whatnot
scattered around the ground at the entrance.
Loads or rescue workers climbing up and down
the piles of rubble, police securing the scene
and holding back the people who tried to
reach closer. Many medics already working on
injured and waiting for more being taken out
to them. He could see all kinds of equipment
being used for getting all the stuff away from
entrance, walls that weren't yet crumbled.
For the moment the world of Peter Burke
stopped spinning. According to the data Neal
was right in the middle of all that. And he
wasn't responding anymore..
What happened next Peter might not
remember. That was when his life blurred out
on him.
Only at the site, with his phone stuck to ear he
could see the world again.
And this was so much more than it seemed on
tv. This was far more crushing sight. Far more
heart-clenching.
For a moment he was just standing there and
watched at the horrendous sight. Many people
were taken out of collapsed store building and
medics were rushing to take them further.
Some kid cried out at one of the victim,
possibly a mother. And this alone made his
heart stop beating for a second.
Just when he could suddenly hear a sharp
intake of air and a cough from the phone still
pushed to his ear.
"Neal..." he choked out. And he got no other
response from his CI, from his friend. And it
was enough to set a very bad feeling in his gut.
It was untellable amount of time later when
Neal was connected to the world again. And as
much as it brought relief it just as much called
in an unintelligible amount of pain coursing
through his body. In midst of it he thought
there were hands. Maybe not.
But something was happening. And it was
slowly seeping through the layers of his
consciousness.
But before anything snapped in place there was
one really bright light piercing through his
eyes straight into brain, sending stabbing pain
deep into his being.
And suddenly some wavering noises reached
through and Neal heard voices. Thought he
heard at least. Through the haze of the agony
he had trouble to decide what could be real
and what not.
However, there was one touch.
The only touch in the whole world he
recognized and from that moment on felt safe
until the very end...
Neal had been lucky. As lucky he could be. And
Peter had trouble to stomp down his relief of
the sight: his CI being carried out by the hands
of rescue workers.
He was worried about the younger man's state,
but also very happy to see the guy alive,
breathing and weakly batting his hand at
something.
Peter rushed over to the medics Neal was
being taken to and with only just a little flash
of his badge was allowed to get attached to
Neal's hand for the rest of the way to hospital.
He kept whispering all the assuring words he
knew, and heard from El, to try to make Neal
feel better. Safer.
It all returned some really unknown time later.
He couldn't tell of course.
But waking up with Peter attached to the other
end of his right hand was actually a sight he
felt happy about. And also pretty surprised.
Before a thought settled in.
He didn't move. Just watched the older man.
His friend. His family.
And the thought alone made him feel happy
and safe. And only after a while he realized
there were tears streaming down his face, and
he was grinning from ear to ear.
He was okay. He was safe.
Peter was there...
★★★
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2013-06-27 03:35 pm
Entry tags:

••• Safe Heaven •••

~~~You thought it all was just a dream,
Until the thunder woke you up.
Nothing will be same again because I am here
to save you...~~~


He had never imagined it happening. No, it
had never crossed his mind that it could
happen this way.
And that made him even more helpless.
But it shouldn't even be his worry... now....
"Neal, please wake up." Peter's voice broke
through the haze Neal's brain had generated.
Yeah, like he really needed it. "Open your eyes,
Neal."
Peter kept pleading and now it made
Neal feel like he really should obey.
But, when he tried, nothing happened. He felt
like his eyelids suddenly weighed ton.
What's happened?
Suddenly he could feel hands on his chest. And
then came pain...
"It's okay, buddy. You'll be alright." Peter's
voice penetrated his painful daze. And weird
enough, it somehow helped.
"P'tr!" Neal gasped out, surprised at how weak
his own voice sounded. He even felt his own
hand moving.
"Yeah, I'm right here. Just hang on." Peter
reassured his friend, and Neal made a weak
attempt at smiling back because suddenly he
felt too exhausted to try speaking.
And he felt Peter's hand gripping his own in a
strong hold.
He didn't plan on getting shot. No, it never
even crossed his mind.
But someone else did it, not planning either.
But Neal felt safe. Peter was there and nothing
else mattered.
Because he was safe now.

~~~You held me tight,
You came with smile,
And nowhere in the world
I felt like here with you,
My safe heaven...~~~
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2013-06-14 01:21 am

*flops*

Oh well, here I am.

Couldn't resist being here as well as I am on LJ *youknowmeifnotyou'llfastfindout*

LOL xD

so I'm gonna welcome myself in joining DW *cheers*
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2013-06-05 12:19 am

★★★The lonesome thoughts★★★

★★★" It feels lonely at the top, but exciting when you look down upon others at the bottom."★★★




He was looking down at the street below. People crawling back and forth like an army of ants, heading to their daily businesses.

But 21 floor up he felt so lonely and so far away it felt surreal. well, not that surreal, he'd been alone for long time before, and, sadly, after too.

The world felt strangely detached from him, like he was a passenger of a train going through a city full of people about their lives but he was separated by a glass as he was silently creeping past them.

Sighing heavily Neal looked up at the sad, dark gray sky. It was perfectly resembling his mood.

But then, just as the sky cracked open and burst of sunlight peeked through, a strong, warm hand landed on Neal's shoulder and Peter's voice brought him back from the frozen reverie.

"Let's go home, buddy."




★★★ The End ★★★
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (peter neal office)
2013-03-08 09:34 pm

~dreams that never dies~

So what I've ever wanted to be:

-CSI (because it's what I've ever wanted to be)
-photographer (because I so love taking pics and then doing bit editing for more feelings)
-singer (because I so love music and singing)
-song writer (because I have that mood for writing poems a lot, and I cannot find my first poem book I wrote totally in english when I was at 6th grade)
-writer (because I simply adore writing out my fantasies and whatnot I keep in my head)
-translator (because I so love english language)
-proof-reader (because I simply spot mistakes the moment I read a book or whatever)
-actress (because I've found a love-tv shows and seen how much fun and whatnot it offers)
-researcher (because I just dig until I find all or at least enough to satisfy myself)
-scientist (because I'm so fascinated by the myriad of things and processes all around us)
-detective (because I so love solving mysteries)
-figure skater (because I love skating and actually posses some good skating capabilities)
-web designer (because internet is my best friend and some websites really need some style)
-drifter (because it's so much fun and so needs some girlpower to spark up the whole deal)
-club co-owner (because there was this plan somewhere along the lines)
-IT specialist (because I love computers)
-cell phone and smartphone specialist (because it's been my obsession for ages)
-meteorologist (inspecting weather changes used to be my childhood's biggest fun and staring up at the sky in general for rain clouds)
-archeologist (because they showed it as a very interesting thing)
-surfer (because it looked so much fun)
-lifeguard (because it always look so brave and cool on tv)
-nature researcher (because I grew up watching National Geographic and reading encyclopedias)



...that'd be at least part of it...
So now help me find myself in this and please do take me away. I so need to keep this alive...


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (peter neal office)
2013-01-22 04:51 pm

~Colours Of Rainbow~ White Collar fic

White Collar

Rated: K
Characters: Neal Caffrey
Summary:

But my eyes could not division
All the colours of love and of life ever more

A collection of one-shots and drabbles involving colours of a rainbow.

Originally taken from prompt on Paint It Red.

Couldn't resist borrowing.

Enjoy



Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/647589

rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (jane tea)
2012-09-24 03:27 pm

Crimson Shadows (The Mentalist fanfic)

The Mentalist
Crimson Shadows
Patrick J.
T

Summary: He felt the memories of darkness return. AU. Set in little different world, futuristic.
A/N: Written for Paint It Red Monthly Challenge September 2012.
Prompt: Scars by Elegeion
---------------------------------------
 
It had been quite a long time now since the last time he felt the memories taking over. It's been good and bad days ever since that day. The day that changed not only his world.
Now it's changed.
 
A lonesome stray fox passes by along first rays of sunshine. Day finally.
And he lets himself smile. Too much time since he could enjoy day with ease. Not anymore.
 
It still makes him feel awkward but so far he'd handled this new life.
Life of loneliness.
Slowly he got up from the patch of grass he's been sitting whole night fighting memories.
And suddenly, just for a moment, a feeling washed over.

 
---------------------
Everytime I feel alone,
And left forgotten,
I have to believe in something...
Like angels,
To breathe

--------------------
 
It's sunrise finally and Jane scooped up his backpack and went on forward.
Suddenly a crack from behind drew his attention back to present. The same stray fox trotted behind Patrick. He stopped and looked at the animal.
 
"Hey, how are ya? Wanna join?" of course, it was silly but noone else was around.
 
The animal stops too, looking up the blonde man. It isn't afraid. Just lonely, looking for a company.
 
So Jane waves with his hand for it to follow. And it obeys.
 
"So, what's your name?" he asks as if it's only random stranger, which isn't quite overestimated.
 
The fox just cocks its head sideways.
 
"Sally maybe?" Patrick suggests. The animal makes a sound. "Okay. Ruby?" another guess.
 
And then it makes another sound and waves its tail.
 
"So Ruby then. I'm Patrick." Such a ridiculous thing but comforting. Like finally there's someone to share the long walk. And he doesn't feel so lonely anymore.

 
--------------------
Everytime I feel alone,
And left forgotten,
I have to believe in something...
Like angels,
To breathe

------------------
 
Somehow it's been couple weeks already since the last nightmare and memory of lost days.
His new companion keeps following. Even through tougher days.
 
His arm still hurts. Not too much but there's always better days.
 
Finally they come to a house. It's long since left empty and another memory washes over when suddenly he recognizes the front door.
 
It just can't be...
 
A smile slips on his lips as they move towards the house.
He still can't believe his own eyes.
The very same building he once called home, before one night he better forget, and the last he'd wanted to returned just happened to be the only one he'll be calling home again.
 
"So Ruby. Welcome home." Patrick said, patting animal's dark red coat. And he kept smiling as they entered.
 
---
Everytime I feel alone,
And left forgotten,
I have to believe in something...
Like angels,
To breathe

---
 
The End
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2012-09-09 08:47 am
Entry tags:

Burn It Down [a Mentalist fic]

Title: Burn It Down

Rating: K

Characters: Patrick J. /Teresa L.

Summary: Jane needs comfort. Lisbon is there to help.

Spoilers: none specific

A/N: Written for Paint It Red Monthly Challenge September 2012

Prompt: ~Burn It Down~ by Linkin Park

The colors conflicted

As the flames, climbed into the clouds

I wanted to fix this

But couldn't stop from tearing it down

And you were there at the turn

Caught in the burning glow

And I was there at the turn

Waiting to let you know

We're building it up

To break it back down

We're building it up

To burn it down

We can't wait

To burn it to the ground

He sat still, staring at the wall with tormenting reminder, painted with the blood of his loved ones. His mind gone into dark abyss of destruction. But it wasn't all. It shouldn't.

It's getting dark outside but he doesn't move an inch, not even single twitch. He sits there like a frozen sculpture of neverending sadness.

Guilt still eats away at his soul. He still can't forgive himself. But would it change anything if he did?

Maybe.

One day this all will be over. And what then?

Where he'll be by then?

These questions occasionally finds their way in his mind. But he tries to shoo it all away.

Suddenly a gentle touch on his shoulder melts the part of dark away. His heart feels just a tiny bit lighter. Maybe there is light after all.

"Come with me. Let's get home." her soft voice travells through the darkened fog of his thoughts.

Just something so simple makes his legs move underneath the weight of his body. And he gets up, letting her steer him away. Away to hope. And light.

rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2012-09-07 06:32 pm

Burn It Down [a Mentalist fic]

Title: Burn It Down
Rating: K
Characters: Patrick J. /Teresa L.
Summary: Jane needs comfort. Lisbon is there to help.
Spoilers: none specific
A/N: Written for Paint It Red Monthly Challenge September 2012
Prompt: ~Burn It Down~ by Linkin Park

------

The colors conflicted
As the flames, climbed into the clouds
I wanted to fix this
But couldn't stop from tearing it down
And you were there at the turn
Caught in the burning glow
And I was there at the turn
Waiting to let you know
We're building it up
To break it back down
We're building it up
To burn it down
We can't wait
To burn it to the ground



---



He sat still, staring at the wall with tormenting reminder, painted with the blood of his loved ones. His mind gone into dark abyss of destruction. But it wasn't all. It shouldn't.

It's getting dark outside but he doesn't move an inch, not even single twitch. He sits there like a frozen sculpture of neverending sadness.
Guilt still eats away at his soul. He still can't forgive himself. But would it change anything if he did?
Maybe.

One day this all will be over. And what then?
Where he'll be by then?

These questions occasionally finds their way in his mind. But he tries to shoo it all away.

Suddenly a gentle touch on his shoulder melts the part of dark away. His heart feels just a tiny bit lighter. Maybe there is light after all.

"Come with me. Let's get home." her soft voice travells through the darkened fog of his thoughts.

Just something so simple makes his legs move underneath the weight of his body. And he gets up, letting her steer him away. Away to hope. And light.
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2012-09-05 01:04 am
Entry tags:

Keep The Sunshine Up [a White Collar fanfiction]

Keep The Sunshine Up
 
White Collar
Neal Caffrey
K

Summary: He met someone at park on a beautiful day...

 
It was a very beautiful day and Neal had decided to take a walk at park.
As usually there were people around, enjoying the day.
Luckily the lunch break was long enough for him to escape from Peter and get some time to think.
 
Yeah, like he could just turn the instant stroll of thoughts off. Oh how he wish he could. Some thoughts were too much to think about.
 
Suddenly the man found himself in a more deserted area. How come he didn't noticed?
He was usually most observing person, so how could it be he'd totally lost in the thoughts not even noticing how much time passed nor where he was going?
 
Puzzled by his own fuzzled thoughts Neal almost landed on his face when his foot stumbled over something.
 
Neal wasn't clumsy at all, so this came as a surprise when he found himself tripping over... A dog.
A dog?
From where the dog came?
This puzzled him more.
 
The black puppy was sitting on the grass next to Neal, who indeed had landed on the ground, though graciously avoiding any grease.
After a moment little animal waggled its tail and cocked the small head to side, curiously watching the dark haired man in front of him.
 
Moments later Neal was considered as not dangerous and doggy trotted closer to him. He carefully sniffed Neal.
 
"Hey, mister sunshine, you know I don't bite, right?" Neal spoke to animal, feeling silly.
 
Sure dogs can't understand people, can they? The thought entered his mind but doggy just made funny bark, waggling its tail.
Okay, maybe they do understand.
 
Since the dog seemed willing to spend its time with Neal, the silly human, the aforementioned man reached his hand towards the black puppy.
He seemed enjoying the presence of the human and even leaned closer. Neal took it as an encouragement to pet the doggy.
After a while of caressing the black, soft fur Neal felt his phone vibrate.

Of course, Peter. For a while he'd forgotten about world behind. But now it was time to return back to it.
 
"Yes, Peter. I'm coming. Nothing." he'd answered the annoying phone, then quickly ended call before Peter asked more questions.
 
Looking around Neal spotted his little friend had disappeared. He looked around but there was no sign of the little fella.
 
Sighing Neal got up to his feet.
 
"I hope we'll meet again, Mister Sunshine." he said aloud and didn't feel silly. He truly enjoyed the moment of comfort the puppy offered and was thankful about this beautiful day full of sunshine.
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2012-08-28 05:31 am

>><<

Okay day started like...  bored_student350
Then my friend called... tumblr_m9dwazSBRk1qh2en0 


Happened to meet PC and was l ike...  
tumblr_m7weu6weyT1r2wxip

And then it was like... tumblr_m7wevdnO4O1r2wxip

So now I'm like...  tumblr_m5kwr7zrkh1qirgf6
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (wolfe photo)
2012-08-28 03:32 am
Entry tags:
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (neal caffrey)
2012-08-27 02:59 pm

White Collar-ed thoughts

Ha ha, yet it happened though. I got jealous. And who's the reason? A tv show character. White Collar's Elizabeth. For having to hang out with boys.
Haha, I'm so silly.
And crazy. And whatnot...
So I'm gonna write it all out...
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (neal caffrey)
2012-08-25 05:45 pm

My own insanity prelude

Oh well, five years ago, if anyone had said it to me, I'd sent them to hell with all toothbrushes they have. But now I think it's not bad at all.

I used to hate men in suits. Suit as a dressing style irked me terribly. But then came CSI Miami's Ryan Wolfe. Can't say Jon doesn't look good in suit, but my nerves of seeing it too often got quite fried.

Then came Mentalist... Oh god, Simon! I so love those three-piece suits! I think I'd kiss the guy (or whatever) who decided Patrick Jane needs exactly that kind of suit (and thing in general). I never ever expected myself to start liking suits.

And then came White Collar... Jeff can I kiss you?
Thanks to Neal (Matt technically, but oh well...) and his classic Rat Pack outfits I'm so in love with suits.

And that's only about my liking to suits...
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (jane tea)
2012-08-11 05:07 pm
Entry tags:

End Of The Day (Mentalist FF for challenge)

Title: End Of The Day 
Author: BlueDiamondStar 
Rating: G 
Characters: Patrick Jane and... dog 
Summary: He just sat down on the beach to enjoy the sunset alone. But suddenly there was someone else needing a friend. 
Author's Notes: A little drabble for Paint It Red August 2012 Monthly Challenge Prompt: "Sine qua non". 
And a bit of song fic. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silence 
Stretching out between us 
I dream of a presence 
With essence 
And absence of doubt
 


It was yet another sunset. Usually the most beautiful time of a day when all you cared was warmth of the setting sun and magnificent display of colours. 
Only today there was a small figure beside sharing the view. 

Come closer 
Come and stay with me now 
Help me reconcile 
Come and stay a while 
And I will find a home 
Because we love till the end 
We love till the end of the day 
Of the day
 


The figure next to him moved closer, seeking the friendly company and feeling of a warm body beside. 

"Hey buddy, looking for a company?" Jane asked the lonely pup. 
The dog's big, blue-ish eyes looked up at the blonde man. The look in its eyes told more than thousand words could. 

Distant 
Shifty-eyed and restless 
I dream of a presence 
With essence 
And absence of doubt
 


The animal took it as cue to move closer. To let the man be his friend if just for this one evening. 

Come closer 
Come and stay with me now 
Help me reconcile



Patrick didn't mind the dog. He actually enjoyed the company. 

Come and stay a while 
And I will find a home
 


He'd felt so lonely lately that even the feeling of another breathing creature of living made him feel much better. 

Because we love till the end 
We love till the end of the day 

Of the day
 


So they kept sitting and watching the beauty of the changing colours and that magical feeling of a sunset... 

Because we love till the end 
We love till the end of the day 

Of the day
Of the day
 



The End
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (jane)
2012-08-09 06:51 pm

Get Free (Mentalist FF for challenge)

Title: Get Free
Author: BlueDiamondStar
Rating: K+
Characters: Patrick Jane
Spoilers: maybe only bit from season 3 if your squint really hard
Summary: He was finally free, but was he really?
Author's Notes: A little drabble for Paint It Red August 2012 monthly challenge: Sine qua non.
And a bit of song fic.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Look at me
I just can't believe
What they've done to me
We could never get free
I just wanna be

He should be feeling better. Lighter. And free. He was gone. Finally down the way he put down his victims. The burden was gone. But why he didn't feel the way he imagined he'd feel?

Patrick looked down at his hands. Slight tremors were still thumping through his nerves.
He was finally free, but why it didn't feel that way?

He looked up at the setting sun. The soft, orange glow warmed his skin. But not his heart.
His heart still felt the same way. Why?
It's been only thing in his mind for such long time, it should've feel like it's finally happened. But it wasn't.

All Patrick could feel was the heaviness of him alone, without the agenda pushing him forward, closer to the edge.

It was now past that point, but he couldn't feel changes yet.
He was supposed to feel free. Aside the fact he didn't just yet...
Look at me
I just can't believe
What they've done to me
We could never get free
I just wanna be
I just wanna dream
rainbowribbonvisions: Plushie cats photosession (Default)
2012-08-05 01:33 pm
Entry tags: