Rant....

Jan. 5th, 2017 12:53 am
rainbowribbonvisions: Neal at the knockdown in the 4x09 boxing match (4x09)
[personal profile] rainbowribbonvisions
So my cousin who is 3 years younger and married 10 years older man is expecting.... Actually she's about to pop in a week or so. And I found out only today..

I am mad because they lied about not planning family yet. And that her hubby is asshole. And I felt strange about meeting them now. That is couple summers ago at my other cousin's wedding. Actually I feel uncomfortable at those events because I havent yet grown up. And my bf made it clear that indeed I am a foolish person who is not thinking about stuff. But now I do feel like it wasn't lies. Because I am not mentally ready for adult life. Although I should be. I am old enough to be smart and ready. But I am not. I am stuck in past. Like I don't plan to grow up...

However I dunno why I got this mad about them planning more family. They already have lots animals. And I know my cousin loves children and gets along with them like a Mary Poppins.
Maybe I am jealous that they can get a life but I am worse than a soap opera.
Yes that is problem with me and I haven't yet found a way to fix it. I simply cannot exist in this life the way I am now but so far I struggle to change. Meanwhile most of people I know has married and with children.
Once again I feel like an outcast of this life.

Not that I would want kids. No, I simply have not that gene in me.
I am unable to bond with a kid nor entertain them or feel comfortable with them.

So I must be jealous that others can successfully craft a lating connection and actually kep a frienship alive. And because they have better connection...

I am too introvert to make it happen so I better not hope for anything good out of this life.
Not that I am enjoying this way...
This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting
Page generated Jul. 7th, 2025 05:10 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios