All This Way Down (a Mentalist ff)

[rainbowribbonvisions]

Take a breath,
Take it deep

He breathed in. Slowly and steady.
There it was, fancy and glossy in his hands. The weird feeling tingling in his fingers.

Calm yourself, he says to me,
If you play, you play for keeps

Yeah, not that weapon he'd planned but gotta work.
But still it was making his skin crawl.

               Take the gun, and count to three                

The sound of the trigger rolling...

 I'm sweating now, moving slow 

The buzzing of its powerful mechanism.
Still so tempting...

       No time to think, my turn to go       

Not his style though but what if...

And you can see my heart beating,
You can see it through my chest

His thoughts trailed away. Back to that day...

Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving

There was that same temptation... Slow and painful. Mocking him so uncomfortable...

I know that I must pass this test,
So just pull the trigger

He looked at it over again... His fingers slid over the trigger...

Say a prayer, to yourself

It would be all so easy. One motion and over...

He says, close your eyes,
Sometimes it helps

He'd be with them again...
Talking and hugging...
They'd be all one happy family again...

And then I get a scary thought,
That he's here means he's never lost

Just so little thing to do...

And you can see my heart beating...
You can see it through my chest..

But that meant he won't catch that bastard. And he won't get to pay...

Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving
I know that I must pass this test

But the closeness of his family led his fingers over the trigger once more...

... So just pull the trigger...
As my life flashes before my eyes
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise
So many won't get the chance to say goodbye
But it's too late to pick up the value of my life...

Another glance, another touch...
He could feel the power inside...
The thrill...

And you can see my heart beating,
You can see it through my chest...
Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving...
I know that I must pass this test...
So just pull the trigger...

But not today...
He put it back into the drawer and turned the lights off...

The End

Just something I once had in my mind after watching an episode, listening the song and reading some fics....

Comments

[windsparrow.livejournal.com]

This might be your best fic yet! Very vivid, very emotionally engaging. The only thing in the show itself that contradicts that Jane has times when he thinks and feels this way is what he said to Dr. Steiner when he asked Jane to be there when he killed himself. And I think it is still within Jane's character to consider suicide as wrong for other people yet still be tempted to do it himself.

Excellent work here!

[marissaangell.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!
I actually wrote this piece before that episode.
But I saw the episode while ago.
I saw Jane's reaction when Steiner asked that, but I knew he'll be there because deep inside he understood.

Thank you again, I appreciate your opinion